#1 "I ate the rest of the cheese."
Good way to get my face turned into a halloween mask--permanently. Maybe you've seen the Velveeta commercials about "liquid gold" or the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese ones about cheese theft. My wife should be on those. Money = cheese > everything else.
If I eat the rest of it, I don't say anything and hope she goes shopping before she realizes it's gone!
#2 "I was looking on Amazon/Craigslist and I saw..."

When I introduce my online adventure to my wife by saying, "I was looking on Amazon and...", she instantly says, "What did you buy now?" In her defense, I do buy a bunch of stuff on Amazon, so she's not being completely unreasonable. I've learned to introduce my new-found information in a different way. I've tried, "I saw this really cool product. Did you know they make...?" I've also used, "I'm not going to buy anything, but I was just looking around on...." These work better.
#3 "Why are you so tired all the time?"

Some of you men out there need to trade places with your wife once in awhile to see what she has to deal with on a daily basis. My two year-old son automatically claims 60% of your energy on any given day. Throw in working, cleaning, cooking, organizing, laundry, and a bunch of other stuff, and she has a right to be tired!
#4 "You don't need more shoes."

Big, big no no! Shoes are the core reasons for female happiness, rivaled only by chocolate (and cheese). I don't avoid this statement because it makes her mad; I avoid it because she answers it with a detailed explanation of why her current set of shoes does not coordinate with the blah blah blah and I stop listening. I love my wife, don't get me wrong. I love talking to her--about things that matter.
#5 "You're watching another Christmas movie?"
For more on this, see my post entitled "Surviving Romantic Christmas Movies". It seems that these movies are very similar to crack--never enough. I like some of them. This question is promptly followed by a burning pair of eyes and an accusation of hating Christmas, which of course means I have allowed demons to control my mind. If I want to come back to the land of the living, I must watch.
Conclusion: Being married is a give-and-take. We compromise and do our best to make each other happy. I endure Christmas movies because I love my wife. She watches football with me and pretends to care about it. I love being married.
Disclaimer: This post was intended for educational and/or recreational purposes only and I will not be held liable for anything you do or say as a result of reading it or for any damage done to your marriage as a result! Thanks for reading.
Image credits:
Cheese image from http://www.topsmkt.com/departments/deli-cheese/
Money down the toilet image from http://medicalmyths.wordpress.com/category/zamboni/
Tired Mom image from http://www.gymmomentum.com/weekly-momentum/24-signs-you-are-a-mom/
Womens shoes image from http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/womens-shoes/images/10130007/title/wallpaper-women-shoes-wallpaper
Christmas movies image from http://eating4balance.wordpress.com/2012/12/12/final-exams-wiaw-my-favorite-christmas-movies/
Dan I love your sense of humor, a quality that is an essential survival skill for anyone who's married! (I can relate to the love of shoes and cheese!)
ReplyDeleteLovvely blog you have here
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